Van Helsing Meets Marie and Katie
by DraculasDarkLove
Summary: Van Helsing through the very messed up minds of Marie and Katie (who is in fact not Neptune). Van Helsing isn't very observative and Dracula is narcoleptic.......uh oh.
1. IN WHICH THE PLOT IS ALMOST REVEALED!

Dr V. IT'S ALIIIIIIIIIVE

Dracula: What is?

Dr V. Monster Man

Dracula: Oh cool

Dr V. Yeah it is

Dracula: Now I can go through with the mystery plot!

Dr V. You mean the one where you...

Dracula: –slaps his hand over Victor's mouth and looks at the audience- shhh they can't know yet!

Dr V. –winks- riiiiiiiight

Dracula: So yes right anyway –kills doctor v-

Katie: HE KILLED DOCTOR VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN!!!!

Marie: No shit Sherlock

Dracula: Who the hell are you two?

Marie: We're the authors, which means we have control OVER EVERYTHING MUAHAHAHA ok I'm good.

Katie: I am Neptune god of the sea

Neptune: -appears, poof- YOU'RE NOT NEPTUNE I AM NEPTUNE! YOU KNOW NOTHING OF MY WORK –disappears, poof-

Marie: Okay anyways BACK TO THE STORY

Dracula: Uh wow that was random.

Villagers: BLAH BLAH BLAH MUST KILL EVIL MONSTER MAN!!!

Frank MM: -runs out carrying dead body of Dr. V-

Igor: AH NO

Dracula: shit I'm in trouble –looks over shoulder at seemingly angry brides and then flies off-

Villagers: BLAH BLAH BLAH MUST BURN DOWN WINDMILL!

Frank MM: NO IM LIKE STANDING UP HERE!

Villagers: -burns down windmill anyway- rawr

Dracula: -lands in field and looks around at the villagers. Assumes shrek like voice and whispers- this is the part where you run away.

Villagers: OH YEA –runs away-

Brides: -lands- did you like loose the monster man

Dracula: oh shit um yea but he'll randomly pop up again later so don't worry.

Brides: Oh okay then –skips back to Castle Dracula-

Dracula: wow that was close


	2. In Which Carl's Mom Does Not Love Him

A/n we shall skip the Hyde incident cuz we don't really need to relive that (we don't need to see his ass crack again **–shudders-**)

Van: -sits in confessional- Sup little cardinal man?

LCM: Hey how come my abbreviation is the same as **Least Common Multiple?**

Marie: BECAUSE LIKE I SAID I AM THE AUTHOR AND we just studied that in math so...

Katie: I'm the author too man.

Marie: So? YOU HAVE NO SAY IN THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE NEPTUNE IS STILL ANGRY WITH YOU!

Katie: Oh yeah.

LCM: Who's Neptune.

Katie: I am!

Neptune: -comes back, poof- NO I AM NEPTUNE!

Katie: We shall discuss this later.

Neptune: yes we shall –disappears, poof-

LCM: Right anyway, YOU BROKE THE COOL WINDOW!

Van: HYDE BROKE IT, HE WAS ON THE ROPE AND THEN HE FELL AND HE SWUNG AND THEN SMASH!

LCM: Uh ok. –Opens the secret door thingy-

They go down into the secret lab

Marie: You mean like Dexter's?

Katie: Yes, just like that, only older.

Marie: Oh I see ok I get it now, like the cardinal?

LCM: Okay so you have to save these two peoples.

The little slide show thing with oddly modern looking pictures shows the two peoples.

Van: -whispers to audience- the guy is gonna be dead before I get there

LCM: VAN STOP GIVING STUFF AWAY!

Van: Hehe, sorry.

Just then Carl appeared.

Carl: -appears-

Marie: See I told you he appeared.

Katie: Hey look at those funky goggles he has.

Carl: DON'T MAKE FUN OF THEM, they were a present from me mom.

Marie: Wow, your mom doesn't love you Carl.

Carl: You're hurtful.

Marie: Yup.

Carl: Anyway, here's all the stuff you need to kill Vampires.

And indeed there was everything he needed to kill Vampires.

Marie: Why do you want to kill Vampires, I like Vampires they're cool. –Drools over Lestat-

Lestat: -wink-

Katie: Oh here we go again.

Van: Carl you have to come to the place with me.

Carl: Fuck no.

Van, Katie, Marie: CARL!

Carl: What I'm a friar I can swear.

VKM: Oh ok then.


	3. In Which Velkan Magically Appears

We join Anna and Velkan Valerious in Transylvania.

Anna: -stares- who the hell are these people?

Velkan: -stares as well- I dunno, but on with the amazingly stupid plan.

Anna: Yea ok.

Were-wolf: BLAHLBHALBHBLAHBHAHBLAHBAHBB

Velkan: OH SHIT IM TIED TO A POST AND THERE'S A WERE-WOLF!

Anna: No shit Sherlock that was the idea!

Marie: SHE USED MY SAYING –tear- im so proud.

AV: Who the hell are you?

Marie: I already said I'm the author.

Katie: Yea me too, Neptune said I can help with this one!

Marie: woopdeefreakindoo

AWV: -stare, blink, twitch-

Marie: -whispers to wolf- okay you can try and kill him now.

Wolf: -wink- riiiiiight.

Victor: -comes back from the dead- I do that waaaaaaaay better –dies again-

Little helper man: The lever thingy is stuck we're screwed.

Velkan: WE'RE NOT SCREWED I AM

LHM: Oh alright then –sits down with that months issue of nickelodeon magazine-

Velkan: -rolls eyes-

Anna: -walks up behind were wolf and pokes it- excuse me sir, but I do believe that is my brother you are trying to dismember, and I would greatly appreciate it if you left him alone.

Wolf: Uh –looks around awkwardly- Sorry no –chases Anna-

Anna: Should I run?

Marie: Yes –under her breath- stupid spoiled gypsy princess

Anna: HEY

Marie: just run

Anna: Ok –runs-

Wolf: -runs after her-

Anna: -stops-

Marie: Why did you stop, I told you to run, and you have to listen.

Anna: Cliffhanger

Audience: -groan- nooooooo

Anna: No really

Audience: Oh yea we see it now!

Marie: Wow you people really aren't very smart.

Audience: -shakes their heads stupidly-

Wolf: -jumps at Anna-

Just then Velkan magically appeared.

Velkan: -magically appears-

Katie: Told you

Velkan: -tries to save Anna, fails, falls off cliff, and appears to be dead-

Anna: shit.


	4. In Which Van Helsing Does Vulgar Thrust

Just then, the brides swoop in

Brides: -swoop in-

Marie: I told you they swooped in.

The brides fly there for a long time until someone notices them

The person who notices them: OH NO –runs with arms flailing in air-

Van Helsing: I'm going to act heroic in front of Anna so I'll possibly get some Transylvanian ass. –sexy heroic pose-

Marie: Van, you never get any type of ass

Van Helsing: -frowns- you just watch this!! –Walks up to Anna, does vulgar thrust-

Anna: -bitch slaps-

Marie: haha you so told him

Katie: No one is going to save us from these bitches because Van Helsing is too focused on very naughty things -thinks- I AM NEPTUNE

Neptune: HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU IM NEPTUNE -rawr-

Katie: Neptune, we need your help, Van Helsing is a retard and doesn't realize that these bitches are tearing apart Transylvania!

Neptune: All right. –shoots thunder bolts-

Marishka: blahahaaha

Then, Marishka starts doing one of those things, you know like when you are being electrocuted and you start like having seizer and your hair goes all poof

Marishka: - starts doing one of those things, you know like when you are being electrocuted and you start like having seizer and your hair goes all poof-

Marie: Yea poof. Like Neptune.

Katie: shhh this is the best part!

Marishka fell over and died.

Marishka: -falls over and dies-

Neptune: Well, my work is done here –disappears, poof-

Marie&Katie: Thanks Neptune!!

Stephen Sommers: -looks at the script- that's not what was supposed to happen!

Marie&Katie: So, we're the authors and we said she died like that!

SS: But...

Marie: NO BUTS –ties up Stephen- there.


	5. In Which Marie Prooves Verona Wrong

Dracula: -does cool rising from the dead thingy- BLAH SHIT MARISHKA'S DEAD!

Marie: IT WAS NEPTUNE IT WASN'T ME!

Dracula: -twitch- Yes I know that. Wait how did you find my kick ass crypt type place thing?

Marie: Um, internet?

Cast of Fairly Odd Parents: HEY YOU SO STOLE THAT!

Dracula: Uh ok then. –Skips off to where Verona and Aleera are-

Verona and Aleera were on the ceiling.

VA: -on the ceiling-

Katie: heh I never get tired of that.

Marie: I WANNA BE ON THE CEILING!

Verona: You can't, you're not a vampire.

Marie: Says who? –Jumps on the ceiling and sticks her tongue out at Verona-

Dracula: YOU DIDN'T KILL ANNA –struggles to make an angry face but fails because he's still half asleep-

All: ...

Marie: -drops to the floor and slaps Dracula-

Dracula: -achieves angry face and tries to kill Marie-

Marie: One you can't do that I'm one of the authors, two I just helped you make the angry face! –Does im so awesome dance, and then steals his clip and puts it on the side of her head- I WIN!

Dracula: -chases Maria trying to get clip but fails. Goes up on ceiling.-

VA: -backs away-

Dracula: -walks up to Aleera and starts poking her head-

Aleera: -flinches- what are you doing?

Dracula: I am taking my anger out on your forehead.

Aleera: -twitch- Okay. Well Marishka's dead.

Dracula: No shit Sherlock. I just screamed that really loud like 23 lines ago.

Marie: YAY!

Everyone who was on the ceiling dropped to the floor.

Everyone who was on the ceiling: -drops to the floor-

Marie: Hey did you know if you were on drugs you would be Crackula?

VA: -starts laughing- that is so true.

Dracula: -whispers- don't agree with her, it will only influence her to continue.

Marie: I HEARD THAT!

Dracula: Okay everyone on the couch we need to talk!

M, K, V, A: -sit on the couch-

Dracula: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

Verona: -closes her left eye and thinks to herself- _next to the column_ –closes her right eye- _in front of the column_ –left- _next to the column_ –right- _in front of the column._

Dracula: VERONA I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT!

Verona: -too hypnotized and doesn't hear, starts to drool-

Katie: Marie it's time for us to go to the next scene –stands up and disappears poof-

Marie: -waves to Dracula- I shall return.

Dracula: K BYE! –Waves-

Marie: -disappears, poof-

Dracula: HEY WAIT A MINUTE SHE STILL HAS MY HAIR CLIP!


End file.
